It was a simple realization, standing stark naked in front of my eyes for the first time, like a watermark left on everything I looked at. And though I tried hard to negate it, I couldn't dismiss the fact of what I'd found.
This new friend, in my head, speaks to me even though I refuse to talk back. But today, I had to listen to what he said. He told me truth of my suffering, and i was baptized in a fountain of his realization.
To be honest, now, I don't think anything is wrong with me. I'm perfectly fine. I thought that I was looking for someone to love me. But, could I have been more wrong! That was a false notion that I'd been feeding myself for years.
Today, I finally know what I want. To disperse that immense ocean in my heart as rain for someone who deserves it, that singular anchor which can hold the ocean still. I just...want to calm down the storm raging in my blood and gift it to someone who can keep it. I don't want to be loved, I want to be the lover; the giver not the receiver of that supreme emotion.
And, that is my Redemption...
To be honest, now, I don't think anything is wrong with me. I'm perfectly fine. I thought that I was looking for someone to love me. But, could I have been more wrong! That was a false notion that I'd been feeding myself for years.
Today, I finally know what I want. To disperse that immense ocean in my heart as rain for someone who deserves it, that singular anchor which can hold the ocean still. I just...want to calm down the storm raging in my blood and gift it to someone who can keep it. I don't want to be loved, I want to be the lover; the giver not the receiver of that supreme emotion.
And, that is my Redemption...
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